Dear Fox News: Don’t Be a Jerk

This weekend I was doing a little online reading when, somehow, this article appeared. For those of you disinclined to click a link while reading a post, I’ll sum it up for you. The “article” is a series of photos of celebs who have “lost their mojo”. The slide show runs through about 50 people, once considered hot stars who look less than that now.

I couldn’t help but wonder what sort of person felt good about themselves upon writing this. I feel weird even calling it “writing”. Let’s just call it typing.

“Umm, this guy was like hot when I was 12. Look at him in this photo. He totally looks like he ate a burger. Oh, and he has, like, wrinkles and stuff. I’m totally writing about this. This article is going to rock your socks. Also, I’m awesome.”

Of course, this writer/pretend journalist likely has the attention span of a flea* so instead of writing an actual article on one actor, they scoured the interwebs for unflattering photos of anyone over 30 and simply wrote 15-25 word blurbs about each photo.

If you take the time to scroll through the photos, which, sadly, I did, you’ll notice a few things. For any of you who plan to be famous some day, take notes.

I hope I look this good at his age. Except, less like a man.

1. Do not get old**. It’s clearly not allowed. Actors like Alec Baldwin, Matthew Perry, and Corbin Bernsen were included in this gallery. Now, I don’t know about you, but I still think all three of these guys are still handsome men. Catherine Bach, Linda Hamilton, and Kathleen Turner made the list as well, again, for the sole offense that they’ve aged. Wrinkles. Totally ew.

2. Do not gain weight. If you have children, you better get that butt to the gym immediately. If you aren’t Glamour magazine ready in six weeks or less, well, you’ve obviously given up.

3. While you can’t get old, you also should not get plastic surgery. At least not any kind that  anyone will ever notice. I know, I said wrinkles are “ew” but if people can tell that you had something tucked or inflated, then clearly, you’re trying too hard.

4. Don’t ever be in a photo that isn’t professionally taken, photoshopped, and approved by you. Every “after” shot of you will be some picture of you leaving your house after being struck down with swine flu for a month. Or slurping spaghetti at a diner in between takes. These photos will be used as evidence of how ugly you’ve become. Also, these photos will be taken from angles that give you five chins.

Now, as adorable as I am with bedhead, I am one of the least photogenic people I know. And, having somewhat recently passed the “old” threshold, I’m happy to say that I have no grand plans of becoming a star of stage or screen. (Sorry, Hollywood.)

Despite the fact that I will never be the subject of a spread like this, I still find the article disturbing. The celebs in these photos probably don’t even look at these things, and if they did, they’d likely just wipe away their almost-tears with a hundred dollar bill and call it a day. So, while I feel for them, there is a much bigger issue here.

Body image has been a hot topic for a long time. Setting unrealistic goals for young girls and guys (and let’s face it, the not so young) resulting in all sorts of self-esteem and eating issues is dangerous. Articles like this just solidify that unhealthy view and put the focus on the external. Welcome to why we have shows like Jersey Shore clogging up our TVs.

Lately, bullying has become the hotter topic. Accepting people for who they are. Apparently this does not apply if you gain weight, wrinkles, or simply look bad in an unfortunately timed photo. The same news outlets that report on the tragedy of a young person taking their own life, or the lives of others, because in part they were bullied, posts articles that are essentially written by bullies.

Bullies are cowards. They pick on others to make themselves feel bigger and better. They feel deficient, so they mock what they deem deficient in others, hoping no one will look too closely at them.

And every once in awhile, they are just jerks.

So, to the person who wrote this, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you feel dumb, or fat, or ugly. I’m sorry that you feel the only way to express your own inadequacies is to point and laugh at others from the comfort and anonymity of your desk chair. I’m sorry that whoever chose to publish this feels that you need Perez Hilton-like idiocy to get people to visit your news site.

Also, be aware that someone, somewhere has or will have very unflattering pictures of you. Better hope they like themselves enough not to share them.

Or that they’re not a jerk.

***

*Fleas, I apologize. That was unfair of me.
**By “old”, I mean over thirty. ***It should be noted that I will make jokes about people I love. But there is a line.

Friday Inspiration – Interslice Advice

This whole being a writer business means a little more time spent reading blogs, tweets, etc than I did previously.

In the course of all this reading, you come across, well, a lot of nonsense.  Which, people are entitled to write.  But there are people out there that seem intent on baiting others.  I’ve seen blogs that should flash a disclaimer before entry.

It is the intent of this blog to disagree with everything you say, belittle everything you believe in, and, on a really good day, make your head explode.  And not in the good head exploding way.  

Often, these types of blogs make the person out to be some sort of genius who knows better than everyone else in the history of people with brains.

Those kinds of people really irk me.  I get really tempted to give a coherent and logical argument as to why they just might be wrong.  After all, I’m no dummy.

But, in the end, it is a fruitless endeavour.  So I remind myself:

In other words...shuttayouface.

The interwebs are kind of an open invitation free for all.

Sometimes, you are invited to a lovely book club tea party, with doilies and cucumber sandwiches and ladies in exceedingly large hats.  Other times, it’s a monkey knife fight.

(wait…which one of those is the bad scenario?)

My point being, just because there are people out there disagreeing and being jerks about it, doesn’t mean you have to jump in and join their…jerkery.

I’m not saying it isn’t worth voicing your opinion or defending yourself.  Those are good things.  But they are pointless when your audience has no intention of listening.

You know how in the movies, when there was a sword fight between gentlemen, there were rules?  This isn’t one of those duels.  You may be prepared to restore your honor, fighting with matched weapons and waiting for the clock to chime the hour of battle.  The other dude just plans on sneaking in your bedroom window and throwing fistfuls of pig dung in your face.

So, may your weekends be calm and free of a face full of feces.

 

Currently Listening to: Over by Portishead

Is Technology Making You Mean?

For the small handful of readers here that know me personally, you will be familiar with today’s post.

Since most of you are not among that small group, I’ve decided to do a “reprint” of an article I wrote for Sloane Magazine.  I handled the Rant column in each issue.  This one seemed particularly appropriate with my increased use of Twitter.

Old readers, I’ve added a few comments (in italics).  New readers, enjoy!

~~~~~~

I’m a fan of technology, particularly its application to communication. I spend more time on my phone answering emails, texting, and updating my Facebook status then making phone calls.  (the Facebook part is no longer true…replace that with Twitter and you’ll have it right)

I get the majority of my news online and keep up with the latest through Twitter updates.  I’ve even been known to tweet, albeit occasional and somewhat mundane. (“Eating spaghetti. Yum.”)   (My tweets are slightly more interesting now.  Slightly.)

This very article is being formulated on my iPhone in the middle of a sleepless night.

Despite my affinity for the instant gratification technology provides, I am beginning to fear that the same technology is making us forget basic manners.  In short, it’s making us mean.

This struck me upon reading an actor’s tweet recently, blocking a woman because of what she tweeted to him.  The gist of the post, in all CAPS, was that the actor should stop assaulting the public with the show he currently stars in. (for those who don’t know him by the image, the actor is @NathanFillion.  Also, really? You don’t know him?)

Well, that wasn't very nice.

When the actor responded by blocking the offending tweeter, she was surprised that he would be so sensitive.

But was he really being sensitive?  Or was he just responding the way anyone would to an unkind remark?  The woman felt she was just humorously stating her opinion. What’s the harm in that?  After all, there are people out there that are known for doing that and that alone.  (I’m looking at you Perez Hilton.  Except for the humorous part.)

So let’s think about it.

When you choose to communicate via social media, email, or text using all CAPS, the assumption is that you are yelling.  That, or you are my Aunt Clara.  Since Auntie isn’t on Twitter, it can be assumed that this person was yelling AT the actor that their current work is awful.  His reaction was to virtually walk away.

Somehow I doubt that if this woman was ever face to face with the actor she would yell in his face that she hates his show.  But this is precisely what she did.  Why the difference?

Generally, we keep uncomplimentary opinions to ourselves when there is a person standing right there in front of us.  That’s because we would be face to face with the consequences of our statement.  The fallen face of the person we’ve insulted.  Or a punch in the throat.  Whichever result, the fear of consequence keeps us in check.

Technology has given us the ability to ignore the consequences.  We are able to dehumanize the people behind the usernames and avatars, celebrity or otherwise.  Sitting behind our computers and iPhones all the time, we dehumanize ourselves as well.  Not having to see or feel the fallout of our actions means there is no sting to our conscience reminding us to be kind.  To be human.

Now, I won’t give the impression that I’ve never been guilty of such meanness. (If you trip, do I not laugh?) I am part of the generation of snark.  A large part of my education was ensconced in sarcasm and witty repartee.  But that is what worries me.  When did our remarks, often in the name of wit and humor, spill over into a total disregard for other people?  Shouldn’t there be a line somewhere?

It’s a free country.  Even if such a line existed, that freedom dictates that anyone can choose to cross it if he/she chooses.

Maybe it’s naïveté on my part to believe there is still a good percentage of the population that doesn’t go screaming their unsolicited opinions in other people’s faces.  Maybe it’s even more naïve to believe that maybe, just maybe, those percentages could carry over into our status updates, tweets, and blogs.

And maybe you are tweeting about me right now.  About my ridiculous rant and lack of talent.  And that’s ok.

All I ask is that you think of the consequences you don’t see.  And be prepared for a punch in the throat.

Google, bringing like minded throat punchers together.

Currently Listening to: Electron John by Worm is Green